


- Slow Decay -

by chibipinkpetals



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-19
Updated: 2015-04-19
Packaged: 2018-03-24 17:32:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3777337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chibipinkpetals/pseuds/chibipinkpetals
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When are you coming back where you belong?</p>
            </blockquote>





	- Slow Decay -

He looked into the mirror, his eyes blood shot red as his hands shook, blood trickling down his fingers and some drops fell onto the shattered glass.

 

_Its your fault!_

 

The voice echoes in his head, his eyes widening and an agonizing scream resounds against the empty walls.

 

 

-

 

“I'm becoming afraid,” he whispers.

 

The man across from him frowns a little and jots some notes down. Once he is done, he looks up at the smaller man in front of him.

 

“Why is that?”

 

The smaller man looks up at him, almost startled. His hands are shaking as they grip his knees, as if it was the only thing keeping him from falling apart.

 

“I hear him screaming, I've noticed the scars – they are new – not the ones that he got when he was away,” he pauses and bites his lips. His eyes are slowly being overflowed by tears.

“Ohno-san, it's not easy, but I will try to help you and him get through this.” The man reaches over and pats Ohno's knee encouragingly.

 

Ohno nods and breathes in, reaching over to wipe the tears that have slid down his cheeks.

 

-

 

_It's your fault!_

 

He jolts up to a sitting position, his lungs burning from the lack of oxygen he seemed to be depriving himself in his sleep.

His hands shake as well as his entire body. He looks around, the voice echoing in his head. He grips his hair tight, trying to make the accusing voice disappear.

His eyes glaze over when he feels a cold breeze, his feet slide down to the cold floor and carelessly shuffles his way out the bedroom and into the living room.

 

 

-

 

“Last night, he was leaning over the railing,” Ohno whispers. He is shaking, his eyes glazed over with fear.

 

He doesn't say anything, just waiting for Ohno to say something.

 

“I thought...I'm afraid,” Ohno murmurs, looking up at him.

“Perhaps, a session together with Sakurai-san would be more effective,” he encourages.

 

Ohno shakes his head, pauses and bites his lip.

 

“During the day, he seems to be fine, but once the sun sets, it's as if he becomes a whole new person,” Ohno finally says.

“Ohno-san,” he knows that he can't push his patients to agree with him, it's unethical.

“Please, help him,” Ohno begs. His lips tremble and he swallows thickly, “tomorrow. I'll come with him tomorrow,” Ohno promises.

 

-

 

The thunderous clap of thunder triggers the blood curling scream, echoing inside the empty room.

Ohno begins to panic and his breathing becomes unstable as he slowly walks into the room.

His eyes take in the mess in the room. Once it had been impeccable, when he had been gone.

There was shattered glass strewn around the floor. The once neat desk was turned over, a bookshelf tipped over, books spilling as the curtains were tightly shut.

 

“Sho-chan,” he whispers. He's so afraid. He doesn't know what he will get.

 

Sho is cowering in the corner, his knees brought up to his chest, as his arms wrapped around his head, hands gripping his hair.

Ohno hesitates, slowly making his way to him.

Once he reaches him – a touch – and Sho was hissing and attacking him.

 

-

 

Ohno sits across from him, a scratch running from his ear to his chin, signs of fingers that went around his neck, barely covered by a scarf.

Matsumoto frowns at that, glancing briefly at the man next to Ohno. Ohno smiles at him bleakly, avoiding eye contact for more than a split second.

 

“Let us begin,” Matsumoto says encouragingly.

 

Ohno breathes out and is about to speak but Sho turns to him, eyes seemingly hallow. Before, Sho had a light in his eyes, until that day.

 

 

= * =

 

_“How would you know?! You're not in charge, Sakurai!”_

__

 

_Sho hissed and grabbed the smaller man's lapels of his jacket, shoving him against the wall and leaning close._

__

 

_“I am far more experienced and am in charge of this troop!” Sho snapped, narrowing his eyes to slits at the defiant look the younger man gave him._

_“Don't get such a big head just because the commandant left you in charge the other day. You are just like me. We follow orders for them!”_

__

 

_Sho gripped the lapels, glancing at the name tag on the younger man._

__

 

_“Ninomiya, you'll end up dead if you don't listen,” Sho breathed out, trying to gain his composure, it wasn't wise to anger their superiors._

_“Yeah, well I can take care of myself. I don't need you to watch my back,” Ninomiya hissed, slapping Sho's hands away._

__

 

_Sho let out a frustrated sound as Ninomiya walked away, a smirk on his lips._

__

 

_“One day, I will be a higher rank than you and then YOU will have to follow MY orders,” Ninomiya promised with a glance over his shoulders._

__

 

_Sho had to admit that the young man had guts if not more stupidity than anything.  
_

 

= * =

 

“When did it begin?” Matsumoto asked. Noticing Ohno's grip on his knees, his hands shaking; eyes darting back and forth. Afraid.

“I don't know,” Sho said harshly, eyes glazed over as if he was reliving the past.

“I see him in the room, in my dreams. His eyes are sad and he looks angry,” Sho murmurs, closing his eyes briefly, going back to that time.

 

= * =

 

 

_They had been dropped off at the most secluded area, however, they were so sure that not one place was safe, their commands were to hold the fort; to guard the code._

_It wasn't that Sho had been against Ninomiya being one of the protectors for the code. In fact, him and Aiba had hit it off and had been inseparable. Those two would often go and have drinks together, sometimes disturbing the strict environment, but they did their part. Nino knew the details, he knew the ins and outs. His attention to the details it was uncanny and Sho had to command the slightly younger man for that._

_They still bared each other as 'rivals' though that quickly change to a whole different relationship._

_While Sho tended to be uptight about everything, Ninomiya had managed to get him out to join them in their outing._

_That outing where Sho drunkenly exposed himself and told Ninomiya about his partner back home. Ninomiya did not say anything about that, but Sho could tell something changed then._

_They became close. They earned each others trust with time._

_Sho would often video chat with Ohno, murmuring words that often were mocked by Ninomiya as he straddled Sho's back and leaned close enough to invade Sho's view and salute Ohno playfully.  
_

 

= * =  


“What is it that you're afraid of?” Matsumoto asks, eyeing Sakurai's expressionless face.

 

Ohno's breath hitched and Matsumoto turned to notice Sho's hand gripping Ohno's wrist tight – bruising the pale flesh – and he took a glance to Ohno's teary eyes, only to have them avert to Sho.

 

“Sho-chan,” Ohno whispers, reaching over with his other hand and touching Sho's arm. Sho hissed and turned to face him. Ohno retreated his hand and looked down, baring the tight grip on his wrist.

 

“I can't be here. I have to go. Satoshi,” Sho says as he rises, avoiding their gaze, yet his hand held tight to Ohno.

 

Ohno bites his lip and rises as he feels the tug. Matsumoto hurries to follow them.

 

“I would like to have you come and see me again, Sakurai. You alone.” Matsumoto says. Sho doesn't say anything, merely tugs at Ohno's wrist and pushes the door open.

 

-

 

“I'm scared,” Ohno whispers in the middle of the night, hand gripping the phone tight, his body trembling as he presses the heel of his hand against his other ear in order to not hear the high pitch scream.

“Ohno-san,”

“I don't want to leave him alone, but I'm scared,” Ohno swallows thickly, startling when there is a loud shattering noise.

“I can come to you,” Matsumoto proposes. Ohno gasps when he hears the door creaking open and shakes his head.

“No! It's late and I shouldn't even be bothering you with this. I'm sorry. Tomorrow, is it okay if I go tomorrow instead of the appointed day?” Ohno hopes for a 'yes' and he does receive that.

 

He closes his phone and jumps when he feels Sho behind him, arms curling so tight around him that he feels that he will squeeze the life out of him.

 

“Satoshi. Satoshi, don't leave me,” Sho whispers into his ear and Ohno's chin trembles as tears slip down his cheeks.

“I won't leave you, Sho. Never.” Ohno promises. Turning around and curling his arms around Sho's shoulders to bring his head down and caress his nape.

 

Sho tightens his hold on his lower torso and it feels suffocating, but Ohno hears him choke a sob and his heart twinges in regret – he'd been the one to encourage Sho to go; to make him proud – it was a mistake he will forever regret.

It's in the middle of the night when Ohno convinces Sho that they should rest properly on the bed.

 

“Ninomiya's never going –“

“Shh. It's okay, Sho. I'm here. Sleep,” Ohno suggest with a brief chaste kiss against Sho's forehead. Sho nods and buries his face against Ohno's crook of the neck. Ohno clenches his jaw as he listens to Sho's breathing become steady.

 

Before, Ohno could not help but feel a slight bout of jealousy when Ninomiya tended to be around Sho, spending endless days together, but eventually it ceased, and Ohno stopped thinking about it and just hoping that Sho will return to him.

 

=

 

 

“I woke up today and I found him in the kitchen, he was trying to fry an egg,” Ohno says softly, biting his lip and raised his hand to push away the stubborn strands of hair that fell down, “I thought it was fine, you know. That he took reasoning, but then, he did something horrible,” Ohno swallowed hard as his eyes teared up once more.

 

Matsumoto leaned forward a bit, trying to listen carefully to what Ohno had to say.

 

“He...he actually reached into the pan and touched the burning oil. Like nothing, he just did that and stared at it, but you know what made my skin crawl?”Ohno shakes his head, a bitter smile on his lips forming as he remembers.

“He laughed. He merely stood there, burning his hand and laughed.” Ohno chokes on his words.

 

Matsumoto frowned and shook his head.

 

“It was as if he was possessed. He stayed there until I ran to him and shoved him away from the stove and towards the sink. He didn't resist, but he didn't even flinch when I began cleaning the burn. You know what he said?” Ohno shivers, glancing over at his therapist and unable to hide the fear in his eyes.

“He said, 'this is what Ninomiya wants. It's my fault after all. This is what Ninomiya wants', and he kept on repeating it until the pain killers took effect.” Ohno sighs.

“Ohno-san, have you thought about placing him in a psychiatric ward?” Matsumoto asks, it was obvious that Sho will not go willingly to his sessions, even when he had said he will, the only one attending them was this person. Ohno Satoshi, who was afraid for both their lives.

Ohno shook his head, wide eyed, “I can't do that. It's not fair,” Ohno says teary eyed.

Matsumoto nodded, but a thin line formed on his lips, “Please think about it. At this rate, he will be a life hazard, not only to you or himself, but to the people around you.”

“I'll talk to him. Convince him to come along, please. I beg you.” Ohno asks, closing his eyes and bowing to him. With Matsumoto's referral, it would be obvious that Sho would be admitted to a ward, but Ohno refused. He didn't want to enclose Sho anywhere. It was not fair, Sho has been through a lot, he didn't need that.

 

-

 

Ohno returns home and finds the furniture flipped over. Shattered glass everywhere. The walls are painted of black and purple. The lights are all off, some lamps are strewn throughout the living room and as he makes his way inside, he sights the mess in the hallway leading to their room. As he peeks inside, he shudders at the sight.

Sho is there, balled up against the wall, holding tight to the only lamp not broken, illuminating his face in a way that made him shiver in fear.

 

“Sho-kun,” Ohno whispers, taking a slow step inside.

 

When Sho doesn't answer, he begins to feel dread, but none the less, he steps fully into the room, slowly closing the door behind him. Sho stares at him, follows his movement, but it's not him and Ohno is so afraid of losing him.

 

“Sho-kun,” he whispers again, kneeling beside him and reaching out to rest his hand on Sho's tense shoulder, “Sho-kun, please, don't do this. Just listen to me and let him help you,” Ohno begs, tears blurring his vision.

 

As if he was momentarily pulled out of his trance, Sho turns to stare at him, sad eyes full of regret and fear itself, that Ohno's tears fall. Sho follows them and slowly, his still bandaged hand reaches over and gently brushes them away.

 

“Don't cry Satoshi,” Sho says gruffly, cupping Ohno's cheek before he leaned forward and rested their foreheads together.

“I won't cry, but please, just go with me to see Matsumoto,” Ohno begs again, reaching over and covering Sho's injured hand with his.

 

Sho seems hesitant, but Ohno keeps saying 'Please. Please. Please.' and Sho looks at him in the eyes before he nods and drops the lamp, causing the bulb to shatter, leaving them in pure darkness.

 

“I'm sorry, Satoshi,” Sho whispers, reaching around and pulling him in a tight embrace.

 

Ohno sobs them, curling his arms around Sho's neck as Sho continues to whisper apologies to him.

As they lay on bed, Ohno cradles his form, running his hands through his hair, laying butterfly kisses on his cheeks and brow. Sho murmurs some things that sometimes Ohno does not catch, but things seem to become better. He only hopes that they do.

 

“I'll end everything, Satoshi. I'll do i.” Sho promises as he raises his head and leans forward, pressing their slightly chapped lips together.

“Thank you, Sho. I'll be here for you,” Ohno swears, his hands cupping Sho's face and brushing their noses together.

“Hn.” Sho murmurs as he drifts off to sleep.

 

= - =

 

The phone rings and rings, until he receives the voicemail. He doesn't leave any messages, instead, he tries to abate the fear that begins to grow more and more. He's never done anything other than listen to their problems, but this time around the fear that seemed to have been dormant has awoken at full force and he drove down the streets to make it to his the apartment.

He knew it was late when he turned the street and saw the police stationed outside.

He should have known.

 

= * =

 

_I'm jealous," Nino says as he shoves Sho's shoulder, a grin on his lips._

_"Hm? What are you babbling about?" Sho asks, his hand stopping the writing he was going to send to Ohno._

__

 

_Nino jerks his chin at it and Sho flushes._

__

 

_"You. This. Everything." Nino sits next to him, picking up the letter that Sho was responding to, "having someone waiting for you." Nino admits with a shake of his head._

_"You don't have anyone?" Sho asks, curiously tilting his head as he reaches to take back his precious letter._

_"ME?! Nah!" Nino waves his hand dismissively. "My love would be unrequited anyway." He says with a laugh then, reaching out and taking Sho's pen - granted that they had emails and live camera, but Sho had told him that he wanted to have some type of old fashioned feel to it, whatever that meant, that he had encouraged Ohno to send him written letters - and wrote a small message with a small smiley face._

__

 

_'Take care of the romantic here.^.^' N._

__

 

_"What's this, you dummy?" Sho asks with a laugh, but lets it be._

__

 

= * =

 

“You won. Are you happy now?” He whispered, his hands stained with blood, his eyes were wide and bloodshot. His shirt was stained with dried blood as was his pale face splashed with blood.

The door slams shut and he knows.

He's always known.

 

= - =

 

_  
Ohno is startled away by a soft kiss on his cheek. He tries to adjust his vision after rubbing the sleepiness away from his eyes._

__

 

_“It's okay, Satoshi. I'tll be okay,” Sho says softly, smiling at him; he looked serene._

_“What are you doing?! Sho, don't do this, please!” Ohno panics, eyes widening as he takes in the image of Sho's hand holding the gun to his temple._

__

 

_He scrambles off of the bed and tries to hurry to his side, but Sho steps back and Ohno fears for him._

__

 

_“Please Sho,” Ohno begs, hands reaching out to his crazed lover, his eyes blurring with tears and he blinks rapidly to dissipate them, “Please Sho, don't leave me,” Ohno continues, hands shaking as Sho stares at him in return._

_“It's my fault Satoshi. Ninomiya's death, it was my fault. He would still be alive if I hadn't...if only I had not given that order...” Sho whispers, closing his eyes and pressing the gum more to his head._

_“No! Sho please, it was not your fault...it's...why? Why do you want to leave me?”Ohno asks, a sliver of jealousy makes itself present. Why did Sho care so much for Ninomiya? Did he not matter? Wasn't he the one that Sho could rely on to move on?_

__

 

_His heart drops when Sho stares at him in the eyes._

__

 

_“I do love you, Satoshi,” Sho swears and pulls the trigger._

__

 

_Ohno chokes on his sob and drops to his knees. His vision is blurred due to the tears. He crawls to Sho's stilled form and cradles him._

__

 

_“If you loved me then you wouldn't have abandoned me,” Ohno sobs as he lays his head to rest against Sho's still chest._

__

 

_Gone was his heartbeat, gone was the breathing and the warmth that was slowly fading away._

 

-

 

“You do know that Sakurai-san would have died in action, right?” Ohno bristles as that, hissing as the commander walks towards him to give him his condolences.

“He was home.” Ohno retorted.

“Ohno-kun, the reason that Sakurai-san was feeling the guilt, wasn't because he was in charge and gave the order, but because Ninomiya-kun had tricked Sakurai-san into staying and he took his place,” Commander Tomoaki cleared, “Ninomiya-kun asked for me to keep it quiet that Sakurai-san was the one that needed to go out in the field. You know why?”

 

Ohno clenched his hands and bit his lips. Till that day – a week later – he could not help but blame Ninomiya for making him lose Sho. He didn't care what the other man had to say about Ninomiya, his feelings won't change.

 

“Ninomiya-kun said that because Sakurai-san had someone waiting for him.”

 

Ohno's head whips to finally face the man beside him, his eyes wide.

 

“Sensitive kid, wasn't he? He was very secretive, but he showed his feelings in different ways. So please, don't hold any bad feelings for that young man, nor Sakurai-san for that matter. This, it's a hard task to carry out, even til now, things don't get easy with age, you know.”

 

Ohno nods and bows to him, as he does, tears drop to the tile and his shoulders shake.

 

“Thank you,” Ohno whispers as he rises and walks away. He remembers then, the last letter Sho had sent him. Ninomiya's words.

"Seems like it's your turn to take care of him," Ohno whispers as he glances over to the sky and closes his eyes as he says his last goodbye.

* * * * * * * *


End file.
